Post by phantomafro on Jun 15, 2011 23:05:21 GMT -7
A lot of readers may be wondering who the heck is Duke Nukem? Which is exactly the point of this writing, who is Duke Nukem, and does the world really need him? I’m going to back up a little bit, Duke Nukem is a video game character, and a special one at that. He had a fun run being a parody of big action stars like Schwarzenegger and Stallone, while mocking first person shooters like Doom and the likes. However, then Duke’s career fizzled with a title that I never thought would see the light of day: Duke Nukem Forever. While DNF may not be the greatest game ever (sit tight, I will have a review of the game up within a week), it serves a purpose to get Duke back in the world of games after a 14 year hiatus. Sadly, the gaming world has changed from the fast and brutal 90s to a more tame, realistic, and forgiving era. No longer can protagonists carry enough weapons to effectively wage war against North Korea on their backs. Now they are limited to two and only two guns. Most even have to have power armor or some kind of nanosuit in order to meet the kind of alien threats that Duke would scoff at; if he hadn’t been taking a 14 year vacation that is. The point is the Duke Nukem in DNF just doesn’t fit in todays more drama-oriented and armor needing protagonists. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t belong in games anymore though.
One thing DNF made clear to me, (aside from how thoroughly call of duty has wormed its control scheme into every FPS) was that while he may be outdated, the world still needs Duke Nukem. Most games may offer a bit of comedy relief and slight fourth wall- breaking, but most prefer to choose a more dramatic and series stance. That is all fine and dandy, but sometimes I want to kick an alien in the face and now that the protagonist I’m playing as is just as immature about the kill as I am, and that is where duke comes in. As much as I hate to say it, Duke Nukem needs a reboot. He needs to lose the terrible 90s military cut and clean cut look. He needs to become a parody of action stars and games today. That means he will probably need longer, wavier hair, and some stubble; or maybe a full beard. No, a beard is a terrible idea. Okay, just stubble then. Duke needs to mock the games industry’s fascination with anti-heroes, quick time events, and morality systems (please for the love of god, point out how poorly morality systems are implemented. Most games view of morality seems to be this: You can either play as an angel who came to Earth to enlighten the hearts and minds of all, or the child of Satan. You decide). Without Duke to keep us in check, look where we have come: Space marines now need chainsaws on their guns to fight aliens. Duke could kill entire an entire mothership full of aliens with his bare hands. You don’t even want to know what he could do with a pistol with a bullet in it. The point is, while 90s action stories noisily got crazier and crazier, Duke parodied them to help keep our heads level and make us realize just how stupid action plots got. True, he parodied them by making bigger, and more ludicrous scenarios, but it made people realize just how far-gone action movies and games had become.
Yes, now you see Duke’s higher role in life, he is the voice of reason. He lets games, movies, and everything action related know when they have grown out of control. Once Duke brings attention to the monumental holes in logic and ridiculous genre conventions, the action tends to shut up and quit trying to muscle its oversized head into everything, which in turn, makes stuff more fun. I’m not trying to say that Duke Nukem is a higher power in the world, used to make action take a good long look in the mirror and laugh at itself, I’m saying… Wait. Actually that is exactly what I’m saying. Duke keeps action in check, without him we will soon wind up having lightsabers attached to the overly-masculine hero’s gun. But it won’t end there. The gun will fire mini lightsabers that explode into quantum singularities, and this gun will be used to battle the final boss. The final boss will be an 80 foot tall mecha-lizard with lazer eyes, a snake for a tale, and a lion head for an arm that shoots fireballs. This mecha-lizard will have a deep backstory involving his nine children and distant father that no one cares about because it is an ACTION GAME. We don’t need ridiculous stories that try to justify the existence of the ridiculous things that appear in movies and games, we just want to kill them and have a good time doing so.
One thing DNF made clear to me, (aside from how thoroughly call of duty has wormed its control scheme into every FPS) was that while he may be outdated, the world still needs Duke Nukem. Most games may offer a bit of comedy relief and slight fourth wall- breaking, but most prefer to choose a more dramatic and series stance. That is all fine and dandy, but sometimes I want to kick an alien in the face and now that the protagonist I’m playing as is just as immature about the kill as I am, and that is where duke comes in. As much as I hate to say it, Duke Nukem needs a reboot. He needs to lose the terrible 90s military cut and clean cut look. He needs to become a parody of action stars and games today. That means he will probably need longer, wavier hair, and some stubble; or maybe a full beard. No, a beard is a terrible idea. Okay, just stubble then. Duke needs to mock the games industry’s fascination with anti-heroes, quick time events, and morality systems (please for the love of god, point out how poorly morality systems are implemented. Most games view of morality seems to be this: You can either play as an angel who came to Earth to enlighten the hearts and minds of all, or the child of Satan. You decide). Without Duke to keep us in check, look where we have come: Space marines now need chainsaws on their guns to fight aliens. Duke could kill entire an entire mothership full of aliens with his bare hands. You don’t even want to know what he could do with a pistol with a bullet in it. The point is, while 90s action stories noisily got crazier and crazier, Duke parodied them to help keep our heads level and make us realize just how stupid action plots got. True, he parodied them by making bigger, and more ludicrous scenarios, but it made people realize just how far-gone action movies and games had become.
Yes, now you see Duke’s higher role in life, he is the voice of reason. He lets games, movies, and everything action related know when they have grown out of control. Once Duke brings attention to the monumental holes in logic and ridiculous genre conventions, the action tends to shut up and quit trying to muscle its oversized head into everything, which in turn, makes stuff more fun. I’m not trying to say that Duke Nukem is a higher power in the world, used to make action take a good long look in the mirror and laugh at itself, I’m saying… Wait. Actually that is exactly what I’m saying. Duke keeps action in check, without him we will soon wind up having lightsabers attached to the overly-masculine hero’s gun. But it won’t end there. The gun will fire mini lightsabers that explode into quantum singularities, and this gun will be used to battle the final boss. The final boss will be an 80 foot tall mecha-lizard with lazer eyes, a snake for a tale, and a lion head for an arm that shoots fireballs. This mecha-lizard will have a deep backstory involving his nine children and distant father that no one cares about because it is an ACTION GAME. We don’t need ridiculous stories that try to justify the existence of the ridiculous things that appear in movies and games, we just want to kill them and have a good time doing so.
